The Bad things that Good People do.

Ugh day 2. -seriously 19 more days of healing? groan....

This one was tough. I have previously read about the shadow effect and self sabotage and found it fascinating to discover how we will shoot ourselves in the foot, self sabotage, in order to change the situation we are in when we don't know how to get out. The author desribes this shadow side, giving examples of syperstar athletes who have it all, and lose it all over a few incidences of indiscretion. Or the movie star or music star falls from stardom (or dies) due to drugs and alcohol when they have access to all of the help they need.

Another more familiar example, the millionaire president of a company, with every toy imaginable, tries to find a way out of the suffocating stress, to start a new life...but no one will let him leave...so he walks away with nothing, sells all of his toys and lives contently in a cabin in the woods...(yes we know who this one is)

Or the fitness freak, who works out to exhaustion to have the perfect body so as to "fit the mold" of what a trainer should look like. Then once her success is proven, she soon discovers good food and wine are not the enemy, and love, travel and chocolate are delicious and being alive is delicious, and when her little lululemon pants don't fit, she can't step back in front of her clients for fear of judgment. So she gives it all away...

so to summarize.... 


Within us lies a great body of pain and suffering, and if we don't honor this, face these demons, and move out of the darkness on our own, darn it, this "pain-body" will grow so large it will overcome us, do something completely out of character and destroy life as we know it.
Welcome to the shadow side.

I felt I needed to explain this in order to help get through the "cleansing" that this lesson requires.

Now that you have defined your desires (yesterdays lesson) What is standing in your way?
What do you wish you had never said or done?
What do you wish to forget?
What choices have you made that have robbed you of happiness and self respect, and diminished what you think of yourself?
What robs you of your energy?
What do you wish you could do differently?
Have you punished yourself?

Ok,Ok...I know, what the %&$...this isn't helping, right!!?? How are we supposed to live in the NOW, when we dig up bones from the past? (trust me, i'm as thrilled as you are)

The point is NOT to be sad or angry or re-live the depressingly sad story of all the things that suck about you.

The point is SELF AWARENESS. We look at these moments of guilt, hurt, remorse and shame as an OBSERVER. Become aware of this unconcealing, but don't identify with it.

Be DETACHED  (my favorite word) remain NEUTRAL.....see the truth, do not berate or shame
(we've had enough of that already from ourselves and our ex's, dont you think?)

so....Inventory complete?

great! this writing down, or acknowledging is crucial to moving forward, we must purge the regrets, as ignorance and denial is darkness...

phew, that was work....now what? Write long letters and apologize to all the people we have hurt? Go to church and ask forgiveness? Do a whole bunch of acts of selfless service to quell the guilt inside?

nope...

do nothing.

That was the work, getting the inner garbage out, and leaving it there. OUTSIDE of you.
Thats where it will stay from now on, OUTSIDE OF YOU.

THE POINT-

With the darkness now outside of you, there's a whole lot more room for the light to get in.